Updated: Jun 1, 2023
In this blog, we will discuss the step-by-step solution to developing Adaptive Emotional Responses, which is step 2 of the PANACEA. Whether you're using these strategies for yourself or for your clients, remember that the general rule is to “master our own medicine”. So, we must first work at mastering these principles and our own mindset ourselves, which will enable us to be better qualified to help others. Even if you're working on your own obstacles, these steps will ensure that you can help yourself through these obstacles, so you can also help guide your clients.
It can be difficult to fully develop healthy, or otherwise adaptive emotional responses toward life's hardships, and can be a life pursuit to master our emotional responses. If “lessons are repeated until they are learned”, then there’s a valuable lesson that’s meant to be gained. Fortunately, there are shortcuts to help us define emotional mastery vs. repression and attain greater mastery;
By identifying the pattern, we can often identify the perceived void in our programming. It is most commonly a need to feel good enough, acknowledged, validated, etc. Therefore, you may be doing everything in your power to prove it or contrarily, feel as if there’s no point in trying, (it will manifest in either polarity). Examples might be;
Working too hard, over achievement and productivity, or proving intellectual, financial, marital status, competency, and so forth, (This helps us identify the blind spot and limiting belief).
Look for the belief (whether in our client or ourselves ) of being undeserving of love, because this may lead to the perception or the reality that one’s love is rejected, and may also result in self-defeating behaviors which obstruct the ability to achieve goals whose attainment would conflict with this subconscious belief of unworthiness. Such beliefs may stem from neglect, abuse or separation from mother or other caretakers at birth or during early childhood, insufficient attention and nurturing, and transgenerational patterns of dealing with such issues. These beliefs may lead to hyper-achievement as the individual attempts to justify self-value through accomplishment. The individual may experience feelings of guilt and shame, or have difficulty bonding with others emotionally, and mistake physical intimacy with love and connection (Reference Guide: Genetically Recode Core Emotions & Subconscious Beliefs, Liberated Living, Cook & Young, 2008).
Shame is underscoring these inherent programs, not feeling “enough”; (i.e., smart, wealthy, loved, deserving, etc.), so therefore, the meaning assigned to the presenting problem is that where we don’t feel like enough otherwise, which keeps the programming relooping.
To identify the limiting belief, “not good enough syndrome”, and shame programming: Answer the following questions;
*What meaning have you assigned to the presenting problem? (Most vital question)
The good news is that fear and excitement are cousins, but they focus on different outcomes. So, once we have discovered the fear, then we can easily move from resistance to a given outcome to override fear by generating excitement of the outcome.
What is the highest choice? Answering and reflecting on this question helps remove the conflicting/limiting belief.
If money/health/time/energywas no object, then what outcome would you want?
We cover more on this in the following step of the PANACEA, step 3. (N). Neutralize Emotional Scars/Triggers
A-B-C Model
(A) What Adversity are you experiencing?
(B) What is the Belief and thought?
(C) What is the Consequence of this belief? (Feeling/behavior)
Questions:
What are you resisting? (identify the limiting belief/fear).
Can you come to terms & accept the problem rather than turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms i.e., being in resistance or denial? When we judge ourselves, we use shame as the weapon to use unhealthy escaping.
Escapism leads to codependency and other addictions to anesthetize the pain instead of facing it with ease through these steps.
Reflection Questions:
Can you allow yourself to be a work in progress to proactively address it?
Can you identify any judgments you have perceived from others or held toward yourself related to your challenge?
Some Adaptive Emotional Responses are accepting and coming to terms with the present reality, which teaches us how to self-regulate and create emotional autonomy, instead of denying or dissociating, which are distortions from suppressing our feelings.
4. If you/your client begins to affirm the solution or the ideal outcome, and painful feelings begin to surface, then it’s likely that there are suppressed emotions that still need to be processed & addressed.
There can be layers addressed at a time, as it works in an upward spiral. And we’ll need to move through the feelings by becoming present to the feeling/trapped emotion without judging it or trying to correct it, but only by honoring the emotions to be released.
You/the client will most likely want to have private space to do this and it is an indicator that the trapped emotion was successfully identified and brought to the surface to then effectively release it.
Don’t make it a goal to cry (or make your clients cry), however it is a good indicator that it’s locating the trapped emotion, resolving the underlying programming and repressed emotion.
Not everyone will release emotion the same way or in that moment. Be okay if you/ct knows how to laugh at your/her/his troubles, however, “crying” is the most common way to release trapped emotion and is often a cathartic experience. Laughing at our problems can be healthy and help us make light of them, but watch out if we or our/client’s have a tendency to use humor as an “escape” and a poor coping mechanism to avoid feeling and processing the pain.
An individual may experience subconscious stress when they have not grieved the disappointments and losses of relationships and life experiences. As this stress increases, the subconscious attempts to suppress it. Healthy grieving may occur naturally as the person gets in touch with his/her emotions. If the individual has blamed past negative experiences on others, forgiveness becomes an important part of letting go.
Anger frequently masks grief issues resulting from feelings of loss or betrayal which the individual doesn’t yet know how to release in a healthy manner. Disappointment and distress may manifest as anger and self-sabotage. A willingness to initiate or accept changes can correct problems and prevent subconscious anger from building in the first place.
With a calm security gained through the release of subconscious anger-related stress, completion of the grieving process, and willingness to face challenges, the individual becomes better able to experience harmony and appreciate beauty appropriately (Reference Guide, Liberated Living, Cook & Young, 2008. Self Critical vs. Self-Love, pg. 11 & Anger vs. Acceptance of Change, pg. 14).
“Self-Love is the P.A.N.A.C.E.A. and Self-Care is the antidote that opens a door to self love"
~ Liberated Living
Taking a moment to honor the feeling and acknowledge some of the hardships you have been through using emotional validation is one of the best ways to move through this step. Otherwise, simply by acknowledging / cognizing the problem alone, we can resolve it and advance to the next step and solution. I recommend leaving each step on a “high note” or at the conclusion of each session with our clients by asking questions to stay on course with our desired goal. You can refer to the questions in the 7-Step PANACEA workbook directly and use it accordingly, or conclude with any of these questions;
“What is your highest choice” or “ideal outcome”,
What new or small steps can you take today to accomplish your goal?
What do you intend to get out of this?
What do you value most about_____ (related to this step)?
What did you gain or learn today?
What value was reinforced?
What new opportunities are you ready for?
What can you surrender or let go of and trust the process?