The #1 Way To Improve Your Mindset & Overcome Negative Programming

For instance, family and parents may have held strong traditional beliefs around marriage or divorce. So, if someone finds him/herself in a situation where s/he might need to examine their belief paradigm, that was likely adopted generation after generation (i.e., genetically transferred or transgenerational) because s/he might find him/herself in that predicament and feel condemned if s/he underwent a divorce or if it violated his/her own belief system about divorce. Yet, might be worse off if s/he stayed stuck in an unhealthy or abusive marriage.

Start by perceiving fear as the teacher that’s revealing what the programming is.

What’s the desired goal or outcome?

Ask yourself why you can’t have it. That’s generally where you’ll identify a conflicted belief, which is causing the sabotage cycles.

So, look at fear as the teacher, friend, or even a child (your inner child) that’s needing compassion and understanding. Be present to the feeling that’s being resisted. DON’T avoid it because that’s what leads to the negative outcome, undesirable conditions, poor coping and escaping behaviors, and ultimately - sabotage patterns.

1. This can last decades or even a lifetime until we acknowledge and accept the fear. When avoiding and confronting this 1 emotion/fear, it can cause a myriad of issues, suppressed from past events that’s begging to be acknowledged.

2. The type of escape or coping mechanism is often determined by our epigenetics: such as whether the co-dependency is to relationships, status, career, substances, shopping, electronics, over-working & busyness, or any other form of false stimulus and escaping-behaviors due to the ego’s impulse for validation or not “being enough”.

3. If we continue to avoid our fear, it will cause us to continue to escape by seeking external validation, which can begin to spur into narcissistic and other egoic-driven behaviors and personality disorders.This leads to false coping Identities, (pseudo identities or personalities). It can also result in psychosomatic issues because suppressed emotions eventually lead to physical health conditions and illnesses.

4. We often seek acceptance and approval externally to validate our self-worth for us. Turning to external factors is our ego’s attempt to generate emotional security through approval, acknowledgment, or recognition from others, although it will never satisfy our unmet emotional needs and can leave us with a crippling dependency on others to fill our perceived voids of needing to feel loved.

5. We can see that avoiding this 1 fear will cause a colossal amount of additional problems. So, ask yourself why it seems too scary to confront. Then go deeper… where we feel judged by others is actually where we are judging ourselves. For instance: We might feel like a failure, or that we haven’t reached our potential. As we continue to explore these deeper core emotions, we will eventually get to the root of shame or the “not good enough syndrome” inherently wired in all of us, which is where we may hang our self-worth.

6. We’re the only ones judging our own self-worth and the ones that define our self-worth, no one else defines it for us. So, only we need to acknowledge the shame so we can also obliterate the shame and determine our true worth (:

Acceptance is a really valuable adaptive coping response.

What’s the fear? (e.g., feeling like a failure, rejected, or unlovable, etc).

Once we acknowledge it by vocalizing it or writing it down, now it’s time to do the most important step, which is feeling it. This is the most monumental step that is often missed because far too many people fear getting this far or confronting it, (which is why they usually avoid it or escape), and they just don’t know how to process these deep beliefs and emotions, especially without the help of a professional.

How we process this emotion/fear is to allow ourselves to feel it raw, just the way it is, without resisting or judging it.

1. It just needs our acceptance, and this is how we can accept it vs reject it, while making peace and coming to terms with it.

2. Self-rejection=external rejection & feeling judged by others.Self-love and acceptance heals all things.

We can also create a reframe to minimize the emotional scar by asking what we learned from this fear, which will allow us to establish Gain over Pain, therefore re-associating positive gain with the challenge.

Once we have lifted some of the weight and reduced the power of the fear over us, we can make room for the solution.

Next, list up to 3 Tangible action steps to achieve the goal.

How can you make it fun? Add excitement to achieve better results and it won’t feel like a chore, therefore we’ll feel more inclined to take action. This is also where we can add more of the positive and connect to more joyful feelings.

Envision the ideal outcome: Essentially describe the best case scenario, specific success markers, e.g., date, income amount, # of weight loss in Ibs.

What do we plan to do once we reach the goal? (e.g., home improvement, needed vacation, offer our gifts / services, help out loved ones in need).