Why healthy coping is the key to manifesting a better reality

Just as every good story-line always has a villain and hero of the show, we all have both characters that can co-exist in our mental programming. As the common expression goes, “behind every villain was once a wounded child”.

However, what differentiates the wounded child from evolving as either the villain with negative programming or the hero with a positive mindset will depend entirely on one principle. Our ability to cope. Yep, our awareness to change specific programming around coping behaviors requires applying key psychological techniques, which can also improve our neurochemistry and even rapidly manifest a better reality.

To answer that, let’s refer to the Conflict Triangle

Archetypes of the Triangle:

Victim: Needs to be rescued, powerless, enabled, entitled

Rescuer: Classic enabler, needs to feel needed (codependent), powerless

BOTH: Conflict of power escalates to persecution (feeling resentment).

The “Victim” is the common denominator of the conflict triangle.
 

In general, those participating in the triangle tend to have a primary or habitual role (victim, rescuer, persecutor) when they enter into drama triangles, although the roles are interchangeable and we may oscillate between them. The majority of us enter the triangle with only good intent and will identify as the “rescuer” because we’re well meaning and want to see our loved ones succeed, but if we begin to operate from power entanglements and attachments instead appreciation and “tough love” boundaries founded on self-respect, the triangle will ensue.

Each triangle archetype (victim or rescuer) has a payoff for those playing it. The antithesis of a drama triangle lies in discovering how to deprive the players or participants of their payoff, hen we eliminate the dependence on the emotional reward, such as feeling needed (rescuer) or allowing others to inherit our problem (victim), or needing to be right (persecutor).

Thus, the common analogy of depriving ourselves of our air-mask first because we can’t help others if we don’t first survive and neither can they expect to be infinitely saved by others. We are not in a position to help save or rescue anyone if we first need to save ourselves, only then can we lend a hand to others once we’re in a positive and empowered position, believing in ourselves and others succeed, free of primal survival mechanisms.

To break the Conflict Cycle, we have one of two options:

1. Don’t participate in the game.

2. Leave the game

 By letting the participants adjust accordingly, we remove the dependency of both parties on “need and lack”, which was depriving the relationship of oxygen to survive as a lose/lose scenario. It only offers one outcome, resentment. The entanglement will lead to persecution and a perpetual power struggle from ongoing need, lack of gratitude and attachments.

THE SOLUTION

There’s truly no better way to empower a relationship than to believe in others capabilities and to demonstrate mutual support, compassion, and understanding.

We elaborate on breaking these cycles and how to experience conscious and thriving relationships, enhance greater self-love with proper self-care, deeper alignment work, and so forth in our eCourses.
 

When we can learn to believe in ourselves and hold a higher vision of possibilities for others’ growth potential as well, we all win.

A profound way to begin identifying blind spots is by identifying generational patterns. Our parents leave an imprint influencing how we relate to others, the world at large, as well as the relationship we have with ourselves, so we must first start with the mirror of the parent-child relationship to get beneath the surface. This is higher-leverage work, to help professionals and participants identify their subconscious patterns.

We may unwittingly transfer these perceived voids from our parents or caretaker onto our partner/spouse. We can lend a lot of credibility to our unmet childhood needs, otherwise known as our “perceived voids” for shaping the majority of our behavior and core beliefs. For instance, those who experience fear of abandonment likely suffered abandonment patterns in their youth and the sabotage pattern may be continually evidenced in their reality. Unconsciously seeking unavailable partners, in any respect can also be an indicator.

Lacking emotional support from a current partner is also common if it was absent in our youth…to the extent that it was desired. Whether the parent did their best to adequately meet the child’s needs, the child often develops maladaptive coping responses as a result of the infamous egos protection mechanism of feeling devoid of emotional support (aka loved), as an external need. The unmet need creates our perceived voids or an absence in our present reality, thus Implying, that we may not feel loved when we don’t receive emotional support from a partner, spouse, etc.,

This is where we often seek outside validations and the stamp of approval of others, desiring the love externally that we didn’t feel in our youth, until we can heal the inner wounds and fill the void internally through greater self-love.

To love and be loved is the fundamental human need so it’s the very premise centered in our innermost desires revealed through our actions and behaviors. Self-love is the answer, but no matter what, the heart wants to feel unlimited in virtually every way. This can result in wanting to infinitely feel loved, approval from others tags-along, so overriding the egoic programs of its “never good enough” syndrome can be a tough game to master, one that often takes a lifetime!

HOW DO WE FORM OUR LOVE LANGUAGE?

Our Parent-Child Patterns leave a trail to our primary love language. We can also ask ourselves what our primary love language is and make the connection to how we either felt loved or did NOT feel loved that generally translates to our love language today, i.e., quality time. The past shapes us. Abstract thinking may suggest that there’s a direct correlation. These are the unconscious, familiar patterns still operating within our relationships and in other domains of our lives.

So, we will call our perceived voids the villains’ partner in crime, causing us to feel like victims to our needs or at the mercy of finite or “lack” programming.

Adrenaline and “Pill-Seekers”

Addiction is to an emotion, such as adrenaline, dopamine, etc., or any feelings that evoke a specific emotional sensation. The more intense the emotion, the more intense the output of that signal because it instructs our biology and overrides the system (our physiology), whether positive or negative.

This is why we commonly see stress and drama also associated with addiction… it is an addiction to an adrenaline state, a feeling or sensation of being alive, attempting to feel the voids around lack consciousness and not necessarily from a state of fulfillment but often from thrill-seeking or pill-seeking to avoid pain.

Human suffering is a subject we can all relate to and empathize with, this very principle can keep us united as One-ness minded because we are all in fact, in-it together, unless we identify with separation and division by the counter-doings of the ego/victim mind. It is, indeed its one true purpose.

Who can we blame, Mercury Retrograde?

We may blame others, our parents, mercury retrograde, or anything external for what can go “wrong” by projecting our wants and unmet needs because we were conditioned in our our youth to depend on our parents/caretakers for everything. If we were hungry for love or nourishment, hurt, wanted to be heard, or desire any other form of affection, etc., we looked to our primary care-takers to meet these needs. If we didn’t get what we wanted in a specific moment of need, we unconsciously blamed them or little Johnny when he took away our favorite toy. This may appear juvenile, yet It’s all a part of our emotional development until we learn to heal this childhood programming and discover new healthy coping techniques, or at least, learn how to apply them and meet these needs internally.

With new healthy coping methods we gain empowerment with heightened awareness around our behaviors and recognize if we attempt to fill our voids by lending a hand-out to our partner in crime with less than ideal coping choices. Through the new lens of conscious awareness, we can course-correct without necessarily waiting for the stars to align or Mercury to go direct.

When we repeat patterns and keep our problems cycling on loops, it is because it has been encoded within our subconscious programming formed from beliefs, whether in early youth or likely epi-genetic.

What is Epigenetic?

According to our dependable dictionary friend, Webster, Epigenetic is defined as, “our biology relating to or arising from non genetic influences on gene expression. Lifestyle includes different factors such as nutrition, behavior, stress, physical activity, working habits, smoking and alcohol consumption. Environmental and lifestyle factors may influence epigenetic mechanisms”.

For example, a parent who suffered heart disease from stress will have the same genetic propensity for heart disease on his/her children if similar lifestyle patterns are repeated.

Sink or swim

Until we discover the psychology behind the programs and learn key solutions to overcome it to self-correct, we will continue to escape the problem by attempting to anesthetize the pain instead of successfully advancing with better outcomes. The programming unveils itself through classic procrastination, or escaping behaviors, which lead to addiction/codependency i.e.,

We can sink or learn how to swim to save ourselves from ongoing crisis’. We can never predict life’s uncertainties when a life preserver isn’t readily available so an once of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Feeling prepared is our best survival tool to outwit fear.

Utilizing healthy coping strategies are at the heart of every challenge and knowing the solutions to this one common thread underpinning humanities greatest suffering will indeed enable us to manifest a better reality. Overcoming shame and guilt with adaptive coping responses will earn us a life of higher mental aptitudes and align us to a better vision because we remove the biggest barrier to our success–fear! Fear of not being loved if..? Self-love trumps the deepest fear and is our greatest cure-all!

The Biggest Clue into our Patterns

What reinforces the “Victim Mindset”?

Shame has formed an entire identity and built up a lifetime case to save itself. It makes a great felon, causing mischief in the jail cells of our minds. We’ll refer to shame as The VILLAIN of the show, just to keep it light

We keep shame caged in like a criminal, but it isn’t until we set it free that it will save us.
 

Only once we can identify the ongoing subconscious pattern and remove the feelings of shame or guilt (resistance/fear) that is keeping us trapped in the problem can we then freely move onto the next stage of our life. We are responsible for judging ourselves to the degree of guilt we feel for not living up to our own high ideals or being the perfect person we wish to be. This is where we have housed our shame and planted large shade trees to live in hiding.

We can release our self-judging and shaming even with our awareness of it. I have yet to see anyone be an exception to feeling shame because the mechanics of our psychology is the same when we peek under the hood. Why is this? To answer that, we need to introduce the real hero of the show… Once again, love! It takes love to heal our shame and LOVE is the golden rule to heal all things. The real star! We’ll cover this topic more…

We only resist what we fear

Whether our challenges are related to Health, Relationships, Career & Finance, or Education, we often swing the pendulum to the other polarity to resist repeating our parents’ fumbles or we may hold them on a pedestal through an alternative way to resist their imperfections from a state of denial. Either way, we’re operating from fear rather than from faith

of the solution, love. We can explore this subject matter more because it is so integral to overcoming our obstacles and healing our inherent programming. It’s important to bear in mind that we can heal the source of negative programming by addressing it on a DNA level.

When do we operate from negative programming?

If we wish to overcome our victim or negative programs, some areas may deserve a closer glance. We need to first introduce ourselves to the origin of our subconscious programming to recode the negative programming.

When we’re ruminating on the past, we’re operating from a conditioned response connected to the old neural pathways, firing the neural circuits associated with a past event (stress response). It’s in the same sequence, which in essence explains why we repeat the patterns.

Money is a common example. Anytime someone spends money, they may have a conditioned response from a negative association, let’s say from losing a job or being raised in poverty, that forms their relationship around money. This sums up how we develop sabotage behaviors, creating a negative dominant state, aka negativity bias in relation to money or the lack programming from imprinted events. We need to rework the subconscious at level of the belief. Stay tuned. . .
 

It’s no secret that our mind is our secret weapon and greatest asset we posses because our thoughts create our reality and our perspective provides the totality of our experience. Wherever we place our focus, we will see it demonstrated externally. Our focus is either on what we love and appreciate or what we resist and fear. Either Love or Fear rules the matrix we live in. Where we choose to put our focus results in our experience no matter the argument. It’s simple physics!

If our focus is on what is or isn’t working in our lives, we will continue to produce the same aligned outcome. “When we are in the market for shoes, we’ll notice more feet”.

We all know the immense benefits of living in a state of gratitude, but some days can be harder to feel grateful than others. When we focus on what we value in our lives, we’ll invite more opportunities to experience the very essentials of what we value. What is love after-all besides what we value???

The goal is not to learn the “what”, but to discover the “HOW TO”
 

The Brick and Mortar education system doesn’t set us up for life success and survival skills, or how to develop our creative intelligence, so we’re on our own to learn the winning formula to life. Fortunately, we have the best edifice of all, the journey of living!

“HOW TO” improve Our Neurochemistry
 

We can however, ask what we have learned from these past events that are shaping our ideals and value system to glean even more value from it, giving our past more purpose, therefore retraining our mind to light up new neural circuits when we envision better outcomes or solutions. Once we make anchoring a new identity and our ideal reality part of a daily practice by living in accordance to our value system, we will begin to advance our timeline, bend reality, and see conditions change or internal shifts occur in our life. This is foundational to reprogramming the subconscious mind.

It requires one grand gesture… Application. Application. Application. But mark my words, when changes begin to occur, we may experience earth-shattering events and feel our foundation begin to crumble causing us to resist the process. It’s all part of the trust exercise, so remember to stay the course and trust the process. Chaos-to-Order is the natural order of the universe. Sorry, I don’t make the rules, or higher laws in this respect.
 

We internally manufacture all the resources we need

Anytime we release stress chemicals, we are releasing neurotransmitters such as adrenaline, nor-epinephrine, dopamine, etc. These are some classic examples of the internal resources we manufacture.

We also release the blissful neurotransmitters, but we must nullify the negative system when it’s triggered with oxytocin, serotonin, etc., through an extra dose of gratitude, love, and appreciation for the obstacle we face. This surge of emotion heals relationships, even our relationships to our body, finances, self-acceptance, or whatever we’re wishing to transform. This alters our perspective and shifts the paradigm for us, repairing mental health and rewiring our programming for the better.

We can acquire new belief paradigms and attain a healthier mindset when we are centered on the solution through better thought structures. Rather than crash and burn by allowing our negative programming direct the ship, we can turn the ship around and learn along the way. It takes practice training the minds-eye to see all the good in the world and viewing the glass as full, or even with an half-full effort, for that matter, when we have a case of the doom and gloom bug.

Anxiety plagues even the most successful people. When we’re feeling doubt and uncertainty, not fulfilling our own expectations instead of staying present or in the flow state of trust, we become more prone to experiencing uneasiness or anxiousness. But we know that our minds are the most powerful tools we have when used correctly. And, more specifically, our thoughts can be the sharpest tool in the shed if embodied right and synced up with our belief system. Over time, with conscious thought habits, we can form new positive beliefs. It may not be earth shattering news that our thoughts and beliefs impact our reality, the proof certainly stands the test of time.

We must go beyond thinking positively alone because our beliefs reign supreme if our thoughts are not congruent to the psychology of our belief. Beliefs will trump thoughts until we take it through a proper training course or boot camp. This is the precise reason we are highly encouraged to look into the 90% ruling party of our subconscious programming. It holds the weight of the mass when it pales in comparison to our 10% conscious mind. We often do this in reverse, put more effort to our conscious aspects whilst negating our 90% brain capacity held within the subconscious mind. As creatures of habits and insanity, we try to do the same thing hoping for new results when we fail to glance at our unconscious patterns, but we’re all in the same global classroom learning together.

We know the soul’s grandiosity can be a lot to live up to, therefore we may produce unrealistic expectations or feel anxiety by infinitely hoping to fill the shoes of our bigger vision that we’re hoping to one day grow into, yet we can learn how to be a work-in-progress as well as seduce our desires with a cocktail of elevated emotions with our friends that make us feel happier know as brain-chemicals (oxytocin, serotonin, endorphins) to alter our moods or even advance to a higher timeline, more rapidly. Heave-ho the macrocosm into the microcosm, por favor?!

Through regular exercise, sunshine, acts of kindness, hugging loved ones or even our furry friends will frequently do the trick to part the dark clouds shadowing over our heads. Once we understand how our feel-good hormones and neurotransmitters work, we may be able to trigger them more easily. It takes consistent practice and repetition learning to fall in love with our life/ourselves and it can be a big ask if we’re feeling miles away…

Remember, if ever in doubt, when lack consciousness takes hold with a strong grip, doing something for others, even a pet, more often than not will cure what ails us. This is because we feel better when we contribute value to others operating from an abundant mindset, getting out or our own feelings of lack.

We must breathe life into our new vision

Belief and success has a tendency to leave clues, we will begin to feel elevated and materialize positive outcomes when we practice success oriented beliefs and see it evidenced in our life. We will achieve sustained results when given the proper psychology and advanced mindset tools, such as meditating on our ideal life, journal-ing our goals, embodying new visions, asking key psychotherapy questions, self-analysis, or other such sorcery ;)

The key to overcome the negativity bias

We all want to signal these blissful neurochemicals, known as the happy chemicals. Whether we crave a dopamine hit of excitement or serotonin by sharing laughter with our loved ones and oxytocin from being in love, there is one that we can aim for regularly that depends on no one else and has the immense potential to help us access the complete panacea. Oxytocin! It is the love chemical. It’s also associated with feeling whole, and complete with self-love rather than incomplete and imperfect, which is the origin of our voids. Is it realistic to feel happy and embody love all the time? Well, no. Not really. However, we can feel happy and love more often and every daily if we choose to. No doubt, we all can recall instances when we produced favorable outcomes at rapid speeds, but the key to truly sustain better outcomes is to be fully ready for change. With certainly and conviction. The purpose being is that, in order to align to a better reality or identity, it requires us to be patient and consistent to a regular practice, stretching our discipline muscle, but with higher perspective, 5D consciousness, if you will. It’s all the rave these days! Besides, being happy and positive just looks better on everyone!

How do we achieve 5D Consciousness?

We overcome scarcity and victim consciousness through the embodiment of love and appreciation. By producing oxytocin with love, we can heal all things because love heals all things, including negative programming. Easy enough, right? Well, simple, but we know it’s not necessarily easy. Profundity is often found in the simple principles. We likely need to turn up the love ingredient a notch.

Learning to operate from a state of pure, unconditional love, and gratitude will certainly challenge us, particularly because we’re meant to master the 3D and 4D as well. We can’t simply leap into the dreamy 5D world without establishing foundational and survival roots, such as mental, physical, financial, and spiritual stability. Some happy-go-lucky spirits miss this point too often when their feet are off the ground. We can access each dimension AND live peacefully in each dimension as well. It’s a true work of art to materialize (3D) from perpetual higher states without escaping into 5D fantasy-land and turning a blinds-eye to each realm, namely 3D, which is important to be mindful of. We need not operate from lower density energies, but we can operate in it with a higher mind. Looking at what we appreciate in all we do and all that surrounds us, even in what we have been resisting has the profound ability to raise our vibrations tremendously when practiced regularly. Mastering our multi-dimensional reality Is certainly a roll-up-your-sleeves, kind of work and not for the faint of heart, but it is the natural ladder to our ascension!
 

So, if we can learn how to fall in love with our life or our self, it will certainly challenge our thoughts, continually. However, If thought programming can create poverty, it can also create prosperity and affluence.

Circumstances are 80% psychology

Our beliefs are always competing in a power-play and one-upping the show. Yes, even our mind plays office politics. The good news is that our thoughts and feelings form our beliefs so we can form better beliefs about anything using the same magical elixir. Thought and the winning EMOTIONS evoked within our thoughts will form any new belief we desire. We always have the power at our disposal. If we struggle to find what we feel grateful for at any given moment, then we can assert what we love and value, or can’t live without to lead us to our MVP’s, (Most Valuable Players). These can be equally powerful to transform our mindset and circumstances. Higher emotions are the shining star. Our intense feelings will engage the neuropathways to rewrite our programs and is the super power we can access whenever possible as our hero of the show. We can sum it up to, our emotions that are the real powerhouse. We give our emotions pet-names around here.

Activating + Brain Capacity

90/10%

Unpacking subconscious programming implies we’re getting up close and personal with our feelings since emotions are the ruling language of subconscious mind, making up 90% of our brain and mind power. As we become more aware of our emotions, we increase our emotional intelligence and will begin to utilize higher brain potential, It’s all the rage!

The Mind or Computer Programming?

What distinguishes our internal programming from computer programming?

Similar to computer programming, thought produces electrical signals, but unlike a computer, feelings produce chemical signals. Fortunately we do have an advantage over electrical bots or A.I., no matter how many jobs are replaced. We have an intelligence known as the soul or our higher self, which feels every sensation, working alongside with the heart and is far from mechanical.

Optimally, we will continue to operate from both thought and feeling combined (left and right brain hemispheres) to ensure we can write or re-write new programs anytime. This magic duo activates the heart and brain synchronicity, which includes the capacity to transform matter, otherwise known as our physical conditions. It’s basic neuroscience, really!

When we’re living from love, we are accessing our innate intelligence and live life by design and not by default of the negative episodes. It’s through repetition that we form our programming, therefore it must be in repetition to form a new vision or identity.
 

Auto-suggestions & Affirmations

Quirky or Clever?

Practicing positive affirmations can be helpful and extremely simple. It mainly involves picking a phrase and repeating it to oneself constantly. Positive affirmations require regular practice, ideally a few minutes every day at least, to make lasting, long-term changes to the way one thinks and feels. Positive affirmations are widely accepted and well-established in psychological studies, no matter how quirky they may appear. Once we embody the feeling sensation through a positive thought, we are producing the happy neurotransmitters to “treat” both our mind and body. So before you mock this old-fashion ritual, remember that scientifically with repetition, we can transform old beliefs into new beliefs with the correct use of affirmative words and auto suggestion. If it evokes a positive response within us and elevates our mood and biochemistry, it’s working. The only way to find out is to give it a shot!

“Everything happens for me and not to me.”

“I am feeling more optimistic today.”

“I am seeing better results from my efforts.”

Heart Mind Coherence

The mind-body connection

As we create new possibilities and become inspired by the future it helps us to feel present and alter our brain chemistry, improving our overall neurochemistry. When we engage in both the heart and mind connection through conscious thought and feeling signals, we are uniting the entire mind, both brain hemispheres, logic and creative intelligence combined, accompanied by the most calculated intelligence we have–the heart!

The key is our heart mind coherence, producing new thought and feeling sensations, thereby manifesting a better reality. It is the alchemy to even the hardest of challenges. The real hero of our reality!

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Our system reveals “how to” overcome the negativity bias aka victim programming with advanced mindset and recoding strategies, using powerful perceptual reframing techniques and a solution-focused system to improve neurochemistry.

You can access our Done For you Workbook for participants or as a professionals for your practice that includes endless content, core psychotherapy questions, self-analysis, affirmations, therapeutic exercises, meditation, mindfulness practices, and more! Learn more…

If you want more guidance and solutions in a particular area in your life, visit the links provided to learn more. We hope you gained value and new ts today!

Author Bio ✍️

Camille Sullivan is a Holistic Therapist, Practitioner, Educator, Author & Co-Founder of Liberated Living. Over 20 years in the holistic industry, with a primary emphasis on holistic psychology. She is professionally accredited through the Complementary Therapists Accredited Association (CTAA).